So, tell us: did we choose our parents wisely? Let us consider it another way: have we ever wished or dreamed of changing our parents for what we might consider to be better ones? (Have we noticed how children always think their friends’ parents are better than theirs?) If we did have different parents, do we think we could do and be better? But if we did, and before we get too carried away by the thought, it might bear reflecting that perhaps our own children will be thinking the same…

Let us take this strange thought further: who then might we like to have been our parents, especially as we consider our interest in sport? Who would we choose to be our parents, if we had that ability? How might we choose? Well, then, how about Nelson Mandela? He was a man with great vision, dedication, patience, humility, plus a whole lot more; would that not help us in our future life growing up as children? He was a sportsman as a young man and his appearances at sporting events clearly showed he was interested in sport. Or how about Keira Knightley who starred in the hugely-successful sporting film ‘Bend it like Beckham’ (not to mention all the other classics in other genres, like the three ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’, the rom-com ‘Love Actually’, the classic ‘Pride & Prejudice’ and the wartime drama ‘Atonement’). It might be worth a shout considering her for a parent! 

The phrase “Choose your parents wisely” is most famously attributed to the philosopher Bertrand Russell and obviously it is an impossible task; our parents are our parents whether we like them or not, whether they are good for us or not, whether they are around us or not. The phrase refers primarily to the scientific fact that much of our abilities (including sporting abilities) are inherited from our family genes, but the truth is that it is not simply those genes that will impact us but equally it is our parents’ emotional maturity, integrity, humility, sensibility, sensitivity. Do we realise how important those qualities are in our child’s pursuit of sporting dreams? 

Children have dreams, often great dreams and naturally parents will be keen to support their child in that area. But so too do adults have dreams. The actor Andrew Garfield shared on a television show how his father later in life revealed he had had a secret desire to be a screenwriter while operating a moving company, but the dream was never fulfilled because his children came along. Andrew opined that “Children are the unmet dreams of parents”, meaning that the dreams of parents are often put on hold for the sake of their children; they are now the dream. We might well relate to that.

Of course, for some adults, their great dream is to have children, though we might wonder why (not because they are dreadful!). Is our dream for our child to have great success? Success that we never achieved? Success that we did achieve and expect of them? Or are they our dream as our future pension fund? Increasingly, young people are being put off having children when they see the mess the world is in and how having children will not help. Are our children our “unmet dreams”? What has become our dream then for our child? Remember, though: some dreams might be better unmet!

The quirk of nature is such that many people in sport have children at an age at which they are fulfilling their own dreams, and as a result they miss out on their child’s development (let alone dream), while the children also miss out on their parents’ involvement. Sadly, too, so many sports people achieve their dream (which may be motivated by providing for their children’s welfare), but they lose those very children (and spouse) in the process so the dream effectively, sadly, is wasted.

Some of us of a certain generation will recall the Abba song ‘I had a Dream’. The premise was strong: “I have a dream, a song to sing, to help me cope with anything. If you see the wonder of a fairy tale, you can take the future, even if you fail”. Have we considered what might happen if they fail? Whether or not we believe in angels, we as parents need to be able to go by the lines from the song “When I know the time is right for me, I’ll cross the stream.” Is the time right? Is it right for my child? We need to be careful what stream we try to have them cross. The song continues: “I have a dream, a fantasy to help me through reality, and my destination makes it worth the while, pushing through the darkness, still another mile.” Can we really say that our dream for our children will make it worthwhile – for them and for the wider community? Maybe we should ask our parents.