Excuse notes from parents often make for wonderful reading, even if not intended. One parent apologised for the child missing PE and asked the school (in the days before prescriptive text could be blamed) to “please execute him”. Another parent advised the school that her daughter “was sick and I had her shot” (meaning to say, we presume, that the doctor had given her an injection). Other classic excuses from parents include that “He has an acre in his side” (instead of an “ache”) and “he has very loose vowels” (meaning, we imagine, “bowels”). Then there was the parent who could have done with more time at school himself by saying “Please excuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.” On first glance, we might have accepted that as being fair and valid – but wait!

If there was one subject in the curriculum that everyone would probably achieve an A*, it would naturally be the subject of Excuses. In fact, it seems to be part of the curriculum as we do find that most children are indeed experts at it and go on to have a wonderful career in excuses, whether it be as soccer managers, politicians or civil servants, having mastered it at school. Some children show much creativity in their excuses, (nowadays it is not just the dog that ate the homework but also the elephant); one argued that “I want to be more like Jesus and I don’t think he had to do homework” while another took up a similar theological theme to declare that “My mom forgot to pray for me this morning, so that’s why I’m not following directions.” A more tech-minded youngster did not quite realise his mistake though when he announced that “This email is to inform you that I didn’t do my homework and can’t log on to class because I have no Wi-Fi.”

The simple fact is that excuses are often straight lies. They are a determined effort to transfer blame from the rightful person responsible for the misdeed (or lack of action) to someone (or often to some animal) else. It is a refusal to acknowledge guilt or blame, a denial of truth, a refusal to accept responsibility. We try to hide the truth or to transfer it. When we have been in a car accident, we have to make it sound like it was the other person’s fault or else we may not be recompensed. Many might make these excuses because we now live in a litigious society and if we acknowledge guilt we may be forced to pay for the consequences. We do also live in a scandalous society which loves to see others fail but would be horrified for their errors to be made public. So, excuses are in.

But then we might argue that lawyers are there to use excuses to find fault in the opponent’s argument, a chink in their armour, and place emphasis on that to hide their own client’s misdemeanour. This is in effect an excuse. They are simply removing both accountability and responsibility, two key pillars of governance and societal standards. They try to minimise consequences and cover up failures.

But then too we have to look at schools as well, for they may be economical with the truth when it comes to poor examination results (they can be very selective in the subjects to which they refer, avoiding subjects that may reflect badly on the overall scheme of things) as well as when it comes to excellent results (ignoring the fact that they only chose the best pupils). Many of what we define as statistics are in reality simply excuses, used to justify the end without the accountability. Of course, parents often help to teach their children the art of excuses, though in their case it should rather be called lies. Many parents will make an excuse for their child not doing their homework or for not attending school or for being late – it sounds honourable but is in fact teaching poor standards.

Do we hear children “‘fess up”? Do parents admit mistakes? Do coaches apologise? Do teachers, drivers, politicians, whoever, ever confess to their mistakes? Sadly, this is not a common occurrence, so it is even more important that our children learn not to make excuses. We need to instil in our children, as well as society as a whole, the honesty, integrity, dignity, humility, responsibility and accountability that are required to prevent them making excuses. The excuses, not the people, are sick. It follows therefore, that there is no excuse for us in excusing our children for their failings. We must eliminate excuses from the curriculum. If we do that, we will not execute the offenders, whether we have wi-fi or not. No excuses; no exceptions; no exemptions. No excuse.