For over a decade now, professional soccer leagues have made it a requirement that prior to kick off, the two teams are to shake hands with each other. Previously, this only happened on big occasions, such as Cup Finals, presumably as a way of saying that event is important. Protecting and promoting respect has been seen as essential for the future of soccer and therefore a core duty of FIFA. However, the pre-match handshake routine between rival players has been variously described as “fundamentally flawed”, “a triviality”, “not sincere, actually more like buffoonish showmanship”. It has even been dismissed as a “nanny-like motivation to introduce civility into an intensely emotional and competitive sport”.
It has become such as the majority of the players shake hands with no thought, meaning or feeling. It is simply a mechanical and embarrassing exercise, something to be done quickly. No eye contact is made, no words are exchanged, in fact, no respect is shown. Now, at school level, the handshake is replaced by fist pumps or high fives. It has all just become a charade, a façade, not least as, when the whistle blows for the game to begin, all respect for the opposition is thrown away. While the intent is one hundred percent correct and wholesome, the means and result are ineffective.
We have referred in previous articles to the sign displayed outside a school which advised parents that “Your child’s success or lack of success in sports does not indicate what kind of parent you are” before going on to outline what we should be doing as parents. The next indication is said to be raising an athlete that is “respectful”; our role as a parent is not to produce a world-class sportsman but to develop a respectful human being, for in so doing, we will give him the foundation to succeed in sport or any other area in life.
What that means is we must raise our child to live with respect. That means to honour; to look up to; to consider important; to value; to take seriously, humbly, honestly; to appreciate; to do to others as we would wish them to do to us. It means not taking things for granted. Furthermore, our child must learn not to demand respect (be it because of his natural ability or length of time in the team or his reputation) but to earn it, not least by showing respect to others, consistently, completely. A match, even a cup final or derby, is not important; respect, however, is important.
We should note too that we are called to raise a child that is “respectful”; it does not say “respectable”. “Respectable” only says he is able to respect – it does not mean he does show respect. Shaking hands before a match is being “respectable”. However, we are to raise “respectful” children, those who are full of, and overflowing with, respect.
A respectful sportsperson will respect his coach by listening to and carrying out all that is communicated to him. A respectful person will respect the sport with all its values and purpose, seeing it in perspective of all else in life. A respectful person will respect the rules of the sport by adhering and not twisting, abusing or ignoring any of them for his own advantage. A respectful person will respect the officials who are appointed to ensure the game is fair and fun for all; he will not question, appeal, criticise or argue. A respectful person will respect the opposition who have the same hopes, dreams and rights as him, by not taunting, mocking, abusing, belittling, humiliating them. A respectful person will respect his team mates, even those not as good as him. A respectful person will respect the opportunities given to him and give one hundred percent to the cause in every game. A respectful person will respect the privilege of being selected to play in any team as others who do not make the grade would love to have done so.
If we as parents want to succeed as a parent we must not set out to produce a child who is successful but rather a child who is respectful. Respect though must be heartfelt, poignant, sincere, not cheap, occasional, insipid, performed. We need to understand that respectful leads to successful; in fact, we need to stress that being respectful is more important than being successful. Being respectful is even more important than being resourceful. If our child is not respectful, he will end up being regretful and resentful. We do not need to shake hands to agree on that.
