Ronaldinho is widely recognised as being one of the greatest soccer players of his generation,  playing for the hugely successful Barcelona and AC Milan club teams as well as the Brazilian national  team. Interestingly, his son has been in the news recently as the fourteen-year old Joao Mendes has  agreed a deal with the successful Cruzeiro club to play for them until he is at least nineteen years  old. It may not surprise us that a sporting superstar produces a talented child but what may surprise  us is that the youngster kept the fact that his father was Ronaldinho a secret and chose rather to rely  on his own ability. We are told that, “His signing comes from his own hard work rather than gaining  the opportunity via his father’s reputation”.  

Sometimes we as parents think that our child’s success depends massively on us, and that our child’s  success will enhance our own reputation. It does not and it will not. Joao Mendes has realised at a  young age this important truth. That sign outside a school to which we have been referring in recent  articles reinforces this point, in the area where the writer shares that our responsibility as a parent  wanting our child to do well in sport is to ensure he is mentally tough. We do not coach specific skills  or tactics for any one sport; rather we equip them mentally to cope with any and all sport. Chris  Evert, a hugely successful ladies tennis champion of a previous era, understood this: “Competitive  toughness is an acquired skill and not an inherited gift.” That is where parents can come in.  

It is interesting and worth noting at the outset that we are to ensure our child is mentally tough, not  necessarily mentally bright. Being bright might help but not as much as being tough mentally. More  and more, people are conscious that sport is a matter of the mind – not simply outthinking but also  outlasting. Muhammad Ali, the self-proclaimed ‘greatest’, noted that, “Champions have to have the  

skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill.” On another occasion he stated that  “Champions aren’t made in the gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside  them – a desire, a dream, a vision.” It is more than that though; we need to add “a will”.  

Mental toughness means our child must be able to take criticism, for while any journey to success  will bring great praise and adulation, it will also at times bring severe and biting criticism, be it from  opponents on the field, spectators on the edge or none-the-wiser critics in the distance. Criticism  can be good, helpful and productive if we take it the right way. Part of being mentally tough is  ensuring our child is not psyched out, not taking things personally, even when they appear as such.  

Equally, being mentally tough is about taking setbacks well, seeing them in fact as opportunities for  growth as opposed to obstacles to greatness. The tough child will not cry or sulk over a defeat,  blame anyone and everyone else for it, give excuses; rather he will absorb it, analyse it (painful  though it may be to review), accept it, acclimatise to it, and advance with it, as a badge of honour as  well as one of apparent shame. As Michael Jordan, the legendary basketball player, explained,  “Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out  how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.” Figure it out – use the mind!  

At the same time, our child must learn to blot out negative thoughts that come with setbacks, be  they in the form of inevitable doubts, uncertainty, fear of failure, mixed messages. There is no room  for such thoughts. Interestingly, Samantha Stosur, a current ladies tennis player, offers good advice  by insisting on, “ taking time out with family and friends to maintain the work-life balance everyone  needs.” Parents can do that to help their child to be mentally tough, giving balance and perspective.  

Our child has to develop thick skin and the only way he can do that is by learning to face criticism,  defeat, setback, pain, tiredness, disappointment, with a positive mindset. Excelling at sport is not  simply about being exceptionally fit in the body; it is equally about being exceedingly tough in the  

mind. The parents’ role in developing the latter is essential. We must not do things for our child  (such as push, persuade or bribe the coach to play our child); he has to learn to do it for himself.  Ronaldinho’s son can be our inspiration. Mental toughness is our gift to our child. As Edmund Hillary,  the first man to climb Mount Everest reminds us, “It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.”