There is a wonderful moment in the classic 1981 film ‘Chariots of Fire’ when the English sprinter Harold Abrahams is downcast following a loss to his arch rival, the Scotsman Eric Liddell, and wants to give up running. Interestingly it takes his girlfriend, a celebrated opera singer who does not understand a great deal about sport, to get him out of his despair and doubt. She does not understand why he is so upset about losing a race; his opponent was just better than he was, in her eyes, to which Abrahams declares, “If I can’t win, I won’t run”. His girlfriend’s response was very simple and sensible: “If you won’t run, you can’t win!”
What this incident highlights is the next quality in the list that parents have the responsibility to develop in their child if he is to be a success in his sport, namely that of resilience, the “Ability to stand or recover quickly in difficult conditions”. This is particularly true of children for a child’s natural reaction to defeat, disappointment or difficulties is to give up immediately – he cries out, “What’s the point of carrying on? I will never win!” In one sense, his logic is absolutely correct; he never will win if he does not try again (and again). He needs to go again if he is to get a gain.
Interestingly, resilience is defined as an ‘ability’. A modern word for it has been coined as ‘Bouncebackability’, that ability to bounce back from setbacks with renewed determination and hope. It has a suggestion of a bunjee jump where after a long fall down, the participant bounces back up again. Equally, it is paraphrased in an old Chinese proverb: “Fall down seven times, get up eight.” Resilience! The 1997 song “Tubthumping” by the British rock band Chumbawamba, repeats the following refrain twenty-seven times: “I get knocked down but I get up again; You’re never gonna keep me down”. Interestingly Wikipedia tells us that the guitarist Boff Whaley told the Guardian newspaper that it was written about “the resilience of ordinary people”.
Similar expressions have been coined to emphasise what is meant by such a quality. Some will define it as ‘stickability’, that ability to stick with it, no matter the pain, to hang in there, to hold on for longer, as a runner has to do to run through ‘the wall’ in a marathon. Others might use the word ‘stretchability’, to underline the importance of being stretched, just as a muscle has to be pushed each time it is exercised if it is to become stronger. We might also make up and add such words as ‘withstand-ability’, ‘finish-ability’, ‘complete-ability’, ‘recover-ability’, ‘end-ability’, ‘endure-ability’, ‘again-ability’, ‘get-up-ability, to help us understand what this key quality of resilience is.
Mike Fisher, a respected and highly-successful Canadian ice hockey player explained one point in his career in a way that underlines not just the importance of resilience but also its connection to previous qualities that we have noted a parent must engender in his child: “I think we’ve bounced back and really been resilient. Even after a bad period, we take over and we seem like we’re on a mission. That comes with leadership and experience and a lot of things. A lot of it is mental toughness and resilience in the situation you’re at, just trusting in your team-mates.”
It is the parents’ role to teach their child the ability to bounce back, to help them understand that things do not come easily, quickly or seamlessly. Accordingly, parents need to ensure that things do not come easily for their child, so that he learns to bounce back again. Parents need to give their child the opportunity to try again and to encourage him to try again and again and again. From Tubthumping to triumphing, the key is resilience.
Harold Abrahams, fortunately, did take heed of his girlfriend’s advice and continued to run, even to the point of winning the 100 metres gold medal in the 1924 Olympic Games – resilience paid off for him. Eric Liddell also showed astonishing resilience in two ways: firstly, in one 400 metre race we watch how he got up and chased down the other runners after he had been tripped and secondly, we witness him getting up from the disappointment of not being able to run at the Olympics in his strongest event, the 100 metres, to run in the 400 metres which he went on to win – resilience paid off for him. Resilience is rewarded, as Abraham’s opera-singer girlfriend declared, and she should know, as the common saying goes with regard to opera: “It’s not over till the fat lady sings”.
