Every parent carries dreams, hopes and expectations for their children, especially in the field of sport, which is only natural and commendable, but sadly all too often they are unrealistic and unfulfilling. We need to be careful to formulate these dreams and hopes and expectations in a positive and healthy manner. Consider therefore the following points.
We will do well not to try to fulfil our own failed sporting ambition(s) through our child. It is a sad sight to see parents who had not succeeded at school (or after), or who did not have the opportunities as a child, pushing their own child harder and harder to try to make up for their own failings or missed opportunities. We must encourage our children for the right reasons.
Equally and conversely, we must not expect our child automatically to have the same level of sporting ability as we had or maybe still have. If we were successful as a sportsperson, we must not put any pressure on our child to think that he must do that same sport or must perform as well (or better) as us. The biggest danger to the child then is being compared to the parent and children do not like to be compared to anyone, let alone their parent! Our child may well want to follow us but we must allow them the freedom to choose.
Many parents are keen to push their child in the sporting sphere at a young age for him to achieve success but it remains extremely important that our child completes his education while still playing sport. Sport does now offer incredible career opportunities worldwide but in professional sport it is only the elite few who will make it. Great promises will be made to parents that their child is going to be the next great player but reality needs to be maintained. People forget that though a player might play for Zimbabwe at all the different age groups he will not automatically walk into the national team, for now they are competing against people from ages twenty to thirty-five. Youngsters should pursue their sporting ambitions but not at the expense of their education.
Parents especially need to show maturity in understanding that if our child does play for the national team he does not have any greater significance – a ‘better player’ does not necessarily mean a ‘better person’. Often the opposite is actually true: often a ‘better player’ means a worse person, having attributes of arrogance, laziness, selfishness. In a similar vein, if our school wins more matches than others it does not become a ‘better’ school than others; parents must understand and accept that in order for their child to do so.
Consequently, parents must not apply excessive pressure on their child to ‘succeed’. Youngsters often face burn-out at a young age through the added pressure put on them through parents ‘baying’ for victory (often at any cost), for national representation at a junior level and for concentration on one sport. We need to be sensitive to their ability and their needs. Brian Moore, a former England prop forward and currently rugby journalist, wrote the following recently when he discovered what it was like to be the parent of a sport-playing child. “There is a fine line between helping and hindering. All children are aware of a parent’s presence and this creates some pressure, whatever the parent’s behaviour. Children discern far more than we think and often infer things from the slightest word or gesture. They do not always recognise a general expression of disappointment and believe it is directed at them personally. Head shaking, rolling of the eyes, looking away, kicking the ground – any of these can discourage children, and exhortations like “come on” and “sort it out” are as practically useless from the touchline as they are on the pitch.”
It is amazing how many parents think they know better than their child’s coach or the referee, even though the parent has never refereed a match, has never trained as a coach and has not played sport themselves since school when, even then, they did not achieve a high level. It is very easy to criticise, from a distance, from prejudice or sometimes from ignorance but it is not at all helpful. If parents feel they could do a better job, they are encouraged to approach the National Sports Bodies to gain the relevant qualifications to officiate or coach, not just when their child is at school but for long afterwards, for the good of the sport not just for the good of their child. That is my dream!
