There used to be great enjoyment in the series of jokes centred on the opening remark that, “Waiter, waiter, there’s a fly in my soup”. The waiter’s responses varied from “No, sir, that’s a cockroach; the fly is on your steak” to “Keep it down, sir, or they will all be wanting one” and “It’s okay, sir, there is no extra charge.”
None of us will be particularly keen to have a fly in our soup but many of us would probably like to be a fly on the wall, an unnoticed observer, especially in our child’s lessons. It would be wonderful to witness first-hand precisely what our child is being taught, how she is being taught, how her peers are performing, how the children interact, what work is set, what the discipline is like, what fun is had, what resources are available, what rest is afforded, and much more.
Interestingly, though, most of us would probably not wish to have to teach the children, to ensure the children are developing, to assist them in their interactions, to set (and mark) the work, to instil discipline of all these children. We would rather just be very happy to sit and watch, thank you very much! In doing so, the vast majority of us would be entirely happy with and encouraged by what was witnessed.
However, being a fly on the wall and seeing things with which we may not be happy, we may well be tempted to react in a similar way to anyone in a restaurant who found there was a fly in their soup. The difficulty with being a fly on the wall is that we would want to fly in and act if we did not like what we saw. We would not be content simply to witness; we would end up not just off the wall but in the soup!
The same might also be said if, just imagine, we were allowed to be a fly on the wall in our children’s tests and indeed examinations. We may well want to discover how they handle the pressure of the exams, how they cope with difficult questions, how they phrase their answers. We may want to know how they are doing and how we can help. But again, how difficult it would be to stay on the wall in such circumstances and not fly in, to offer support, encouragement and help. How difficult it would be not to give her the answer when we know how important it is, when we see how strained she is, when we know how obvious it appears to be for us! We want her to excel and we want to enable her to excel.
However, we cannot do so! We cannot help our child in her examinations, nor do we help her in her classes.
On the sporting front, we may also like the idea of being a fly on the wall of our child’s sports practice sessions but the same principles and warnings identified above apply. We might get a glimpse, of course, of what is being coached in a training and practice session while we wait in our car or stand in the shade of the trees, waiting for the session to end. We may be a fly in the bush.
Yet, intriguingly, we do get to be a fly on the wall of the sports field; we are probably not aware how much of a rare privilege parents have in watching their children’s sporting fixtures; we say, “intriguingly” because in being able to do so, they are in effect sitting in the examination hall, because the sporting fixture against another team is an examination of what the children have learned during the week or term. Now, as we have been reminded, in an examination children are not allowed any assistance of any nature so the same principle should apply with regard to a sporting fixture. As parents we must not shout instructions to the children (not least as often they are contrary to the coach’s instructions) or tell them what to do. It is an exam!
Would we like to be a fly on the wall? The reality is that we would not be content simply to witness, to be a fly on the wall; we would end up in the soup! And that would spoil the soup, the whole meal, the experience of being there and maybe even our health. Not to mention what will happen to the fly! Remember – flies can be real pests! That is no joke!
